Dr. Hull

Updated:  September 02, 2003

Recall me saying that we all make mistakes? Well today I did a doozie! Allow me (Dr. Dork) to explain (confess) so you don't do the same.

It has been cold here in central Oklahoma and one of my October born crias has a very fine suri coat that is easily penetrated by wind. He is thinner than the other two crias his age and I suspect that he gets cold. I ordered him a new larger cria coat as I often encourage others to put on coats. He has outgrown his newborn sweater and newborn coat. The forecast is for another "screaming blue norther" to hit here this weekend with lots of wind. The coat arrived late yesterday and this morning I took it out to put it on him. I put a small flake of hay in the barn corner to get all the animals in and gently cornered him. I have done this often as his dam is very gentle and will only glance up at me as I handle him. She is VERY laid back, gentle and dependable - one of my favorite animals.

I was putting the Velcro attachment around the cria's neck when I heard this scream and saw his dam charging at me with the most angry expression I have ever seen on an alpaca. She reared up, spitting, grabbed my hat off my head, shook it like a dog does, threw it on the ground and stomped on it with both front legs all the while spewing and screaming. Then she came after me . . . . I strongly considered running. But I have learned that standing your ground is best. So I put the cria between us (coward I am) and tried to calm her. Immediately I was covered, green slime running down my face and neck (yes, inside the jacket) and the taste of rumen contents VERY apparent in my mouth all the while with her screaming and "alarm calling". The cria was now shaking and the rest of the herd had taken off as the great Satan (me) was clearly killing a cria. I continued to put on the cria coat, talking quietly, but keeping an eye on Mom, whom I felt any minute would rear up and get me with both front legs. She continued to do her best "Ghostbuster" slime routine combined with expressions out of the "Exorcist". It happened so fast that even now I am appalled that I created this. Hours and hours of training with this dam and cria are down the drain.

The rest of the herd avoids me as I have been labeled as evil. I brought in a strange, odd colored thing with an unusual smell and went after a cria. I ASSUMED the dam would trust me. In retrospect, I should have put the new jacket on the barn floor for them to smell and walk on. The most frustrating aspect is that intellectually I knew this, but I was in too much of a god damn hurry to get the jacket on. Recall how I must fight my compulsive, academic/engineering side and learn how to better communicate with these animals? Well, this morning I just didn't think. Bottom line - think before you act.

As you could read, I was VERY irritated at my causing this. But I am increasingly able to laugh at myself. More so after what happened when I got to work. You see I was late doing morning chores as I had to get in to lecture to 150 med students at 8 AM. The first lecture day in a series is VERY important as you "set" the tone for subsequent lectures. Get off on the right foot and it is easy - make stupid mistakes and they scowl for the next week. I wanted to do well the first morning. So I dressed up in a nice Harris Tweed, wool slacks, tie, etc and quick went out to put on the cria coat - and you know what happened to those "nice" clothes (another lesson - get overalls and use them . . .) Anyway, I went back to the house - no time for a shower. Strip down and wipe off, apply "Old Spice" liberally and out the door not looking too bad. I was reassured in the car as all I could smell was Old Spice. The lecture hall (known to professors as "the pit") is steep and I lecture at the bottom using an overhead projector. The lecture went OK. not great as I did not have time to truly get organized. But the following question 

was asked by a student in the middle row and heard by all. "Dr. Hull, what is that spiky green stuff on the top of your head - are you going punk? And what is that SMELL?"

You can visit Dr. Hull’s web page at www.timberlakefarms.net